Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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