i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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