i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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