i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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