She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
