Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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