also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
