Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
