oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
