i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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