He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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