I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
