Hey man sorry I got all grabby
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
