my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
