im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
