my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize