so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I currently don't understand fingers.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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