he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
