She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just want to make out with him forever
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
