We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
