You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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