I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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