Don't you send me to vm
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
