But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
