Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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