I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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