I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
