Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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