It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
