HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
