Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize