whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Why can't burritos get me drunk
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
