a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
