Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
