He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize