In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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