the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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