Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Randomize
