I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
