I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
