I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
