they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
