I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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