hotel room ftw
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I could make wine with my vomit
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
