The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize