So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
