Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
