I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
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