Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I want a musical about memes.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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