You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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