We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We left an ass print on the piano.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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