Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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