Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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