you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
