So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
