new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
