And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
