wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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