Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
