Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
