theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
