The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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