He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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