i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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