what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
