i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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