Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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