You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
