Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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