I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
