Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize