Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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