Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
