My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
