I don't usually arrange sex via text message
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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