i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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