i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
