the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
