The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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