I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
